When at my worst
I have no where to turn
No one to engage in such conversation that would fill the emptiness I feel
Only my anxiety steps in to compliment my self doubt
It’s hard for me to understand the people who love me because honestly I hardly enjoy being me
Aware of my potential while blinded by flaws
I’m always smiling hiding the face of death himself
I think I’m consumed by my self centered ego
What does everything mean ?!
Why must I be the center of my own universe
Is there anything out there that will satisfy my dying need to be accepted and be part of something.
Can someone please just tell everything will be alright that I’m not beyond saving that I’m not a walking piece of failed art.
To be happy so beyond belief that I become so grateful to just be alive
Is that possible ?
I

heartrate:

i’m interested in stargazing and rough sex

32 hours without rest

Reality sets in slowly 

Ideas swirl around my conscious 

The inner voice screams only to be met with the silence of my lips

Hardly able to process 

Just as lucifer my wings have been clipped

cast into the fire of self torment 

hardly able to be content

is self doubt my only option ?

clear views from the tipping point

swaying back n fourth

breathing as if its first breath of life i’ve taken 

oxygen fills my lungs while nitrogen chokes my blood

madness is just a sane man haunted by his own entity 

im close to the edge now

maybe i should just jump. 

4 am
Staring at the wall
It looks back at me
Where are you
I can’t find anywhere
Who are you
Pictures fading
Don’t cry
I don’t want to drown
Don’t die
Pain indoors
Don’t go in
Il burn it down
Ashes set us free
Dead with the wind.

Convince me I’m not broken
Show me everything unspoken
It’s all in the eyes
My thoughts and our bodies intertwine

If only

To be considered holy

If only ..

Shit been feeling so lonely
I see you when I sleep
touch you in my dreams
Xanax bars
Numbing all the simple things

As the night takes a hold
No comfort is to be found in silence
Hours spent staring at the concrete pained walls
As Shadows dance with mine to the noise of the fan blades tearing through the quiet
every detailed imagined meets the vivid pictures of a harsh reality
The night sky sees me
The moon calls to me
The stars warn me
And
The clouds beg me

It’s only a heart stop away

Late night taunting me like the ghost of a life Ive never had hours pass while the room goes from rays of sunlight to bitter darkness ; I can see nothing but the image of you ..must you always haunt me ? By now surely you are off meeting the man of your dreams while I lay her alone with meaningless women in my phone .. must you taunt me ? Thoughts of anyone invading yours drives me mad .. Oh and these other women in my phone.. How many numbers have they gone thru that lead to mine ? Do you ever think of me ? Lie to me … Tell me everything will be okay and you still want me …Lie to me … Tell me nothing has changed and I’m still the one … Lie to me … Tell me you haven’t given it up to anyone and I’m the only one who makes you moan … Lie to me… Tell me I’m still the person who has your heart.

i spent seconds to minutes to hours to days living in my head. i think up a million thoughts then cast them all aside to form opinions on my own thoughts… am i crazy? the voices always echo in my head but never do they tell me to reach my destination.. maybe because we all know i have none. Like president nixon i carry the traits of a loner yet find the human interaction fascinating almost to a point i need it to survive but also like nixon the weight of my own self created image i obsess over .. who am i? i wonder if the universe made me or did i make the complete universe… i mean i see everything in first person and no neighbor of mine can hear the voice inside my head calling out .. am i superhero ? and if so am i trying to battle my demons or save everywhere from them?